Conning it up! Making the most of conventions.

Cons, for me, are a ton of fun and just about the most exhausting thing in the world. When you spend most of your time alone or with just a few people being in a situation where you're suddenly surrounded by thousands of people can be overwhelming. Especially when you're on and working the whole weekend.

Yes, at conventions I'm working, connecting with readers, writers, publishers, and friends. From the moment I get there until the moment I go back home, I'm on and working. What that means is smiling, answering questions, and interacting with people. As an introvert with some serious anxiety issues, it can be incredibly difficult.

Over the years I've gotten better. I no longer hide in my room between panels, or eat alone, or go to bed as soon as my last panel is over. I talk to strangers, don't let one jerk ruin the weekend, and I stay out and interact with people (which includes occasionally uncomfortable, creepy situations). I also have fewer moments of 'Oh god why am I here with all these incredibly talented people when I am a potato'  which helps as well. I figured that now was as good a time as any to share a couple of things I've learned over the years and see if maybe it can help anyone else have a better time.

1. Have a comfort group

Have a person (or a few people) that you can go to when you get overwhelmed and that calm you down. This can be a friend, a mentor, etc. It's great when you have a table near this person, but that doesn't always happen. I'm fortunate to have built up a great network of people that make me feel safe and I can go to them when I get frazzled and get my head right again. I also have a great group of people who remind me that I have a right to be here and that my point of view is valuable.

2. Take some time before your panel

Panels scare the ever-loving daylight out of me. The thought of something stupid coming out of my mouth gives me nightmares weeks before I even get to a convention. But they're also one of my favorite things because I love helping people. So, before most panels I try to find a chance to escape to the bathroom and do the wonder woman pose in a stall for a few seconds. There's an awesome Ted Talk that explains more about this, but it helps me feel more confident. I also try to make a conscious effort to not cross my arms or slouch. If I project confidence long enough, I start to feel confident again. I often stand with my hands on my hips behind my table or twirl from side to side to work off my anxious energy. It makes people laugh, but it helps me feel better.

3. Study the convention before you go

Knowing who is going to be there and where it's going to be can help immensely. Learning that a convention is at a hotel you've been to before makes it less frightening (especially for me because I have zero sense of direction and get lost in my own neighborhood frequently). Make a list of addresses you need to know (hotel, convention center, gas station, restaurant, etc.) and keep them in your pocket or purse.

Also, don't be afraid to reach out to people who are going to the same convention. This is especially true if you're a guest and don't know anyone. Email some of the other guests, introduce yourself, and make plans to meet up there! For me, talking to someone on social media first is awesome and way less frightening than talking to a stranger in person.

4. Know when you need a moment

Going to hide in the bathroom or your room when you get overwhelmed is okay! The point is to come back out and get at it again as soon as you can. Take a few deep breaths, and try to calm down. Try listening to your favorite song, reading something you love, or just going on a walk. It's okay to freak out, but the point is to not let it conquer you.

5. Don't let one thing ruin your weekend

At some conventions I have unfortunate encounters with creepers who make it difficult to enjoy anything after it's happened. What I've found works for me is to take a walk with a friend, get out of the area, go get food (or drinks or nothing). The movement helps calm me back down and reminding myself that awesome people way outnumber the creeps helps me remember why I'm here and that at the end of the day I love conventions and the wacky, awesome family I've found in them.

6. Play pretend

Sometimes when I go to conventions I pretend I'm someone else. I pretend to be a really outgoing, boisterous, confident person. I wear outrageous clothes, talk loud and play pretend like when I was a kid and would pretend to be a power ranger. By the end of the weekend, I'm ready to take that persona off, but it can get me through the convention. I have a particular skirt, and a particular pair of shoes that 'transform' me into this persona and when I'm really worried about shrinking away at a convention I'll wear those and fake it till I make it in the confidence field.

7. Remember everyone else is nervous too

Almost every person you meet at a convention is nervous about it. I've even had someone nervous about talking to me (to me!!) and it's strange to suddenly realize that no one is perfect and always confident. This weekend I heard a New York Times bestselling author say that they felt like at any moment someone was going to realize a mistake had been made and come take everything from them. That's a feeling I fight through every day, and realizing even the people you admire fight that battle is incredibly comforting.

You're not alone with your fear, we're all wrestling with it too.

I hope maybe that helps someone else, and if you have any tips or ideas I'd love to hear them!

Little Rebel, Write However You Want

Sometimes I think there might be more writing advice out on the interwebs than there are actually stories. Everywhere you look, you can find some new tip or trick that supposedly will make you a better writer. The ideas vary wildly from using no technology to using nothing but technology. There are people who get up at 4am to write and people who stay up until 4am to write. There are those who writ every day and those who write in bursts and then don't write again for days. 

For a long time I thought that there had to be some secret for writing. Something that would make writing suddenly super easy and always succusful. I dove into every writing guide I could get my hands on, read every blog post, tried every tip and trick I could get my greedy little hands on. And I hated it. I felt like I never was doing enough, was never writing 'correctly'. I always felt like I was failing some final exam and any moment, someone was going to snatch my laptop for me and tell me to stop faking it. 

I stopped writing for a while and that was just as miserable. I longed to write but I remained scared on how to actually going about getting it down on page. Until I realized the very simple, no duh moment that it didn't matter. How I got the words onto page didn't matter. What mattered is that I wrote. I didn't have to make the process this grand scary thing that required a certain candle to be lit at a certain time. All that mattered was writing. Even if I wrote horrible crap that no one would ever see the world wouldn't end. 

I'd built the process of writing up so much in my head that fear paralyzed me. I worried about somehow getting it 'wrong' and ruining everything. 

But the process only need to have one step: write. 

Now I'm not afraid to try different things, to play with my process and take the time to learn what works and doesn't work for me. I've realized there is no one way to write that matches for everyone. There are a variety of ways to write and no shame in doing what works for you. You don't have to write like Neil Gaiman, Stephen King, Roxanne Gay or anyone else writes. You can build it your own way, you rebel you. 

All you have to remember is to get your words on the page. 

The Lies Behind Productivity

Sharing time! I'm obsessed with productivity tips and blogs. Articles like '7 Habits Only Happy People Have' and '12 Ways You Waste Time Every Day' devour my morning and leave me feeling productive even when I have literally just spent 3 hours on LifeHacker and have nothing to show for it but chapped lips, dry eyes and a lingering sense of guilt. 

While I love reading about these tips, it's just because it feels productive without me having to actually do anything hard. Reading an article? Psssha, that's easy work and a total time waster, but this article will teach me how to optimize my morning so I get everything done and become a productivity ninja! 

That's not to say that these articles don't share good advice or fun tidbits of information that make you feel great about yourself. (I mean, did you know that millionaires tend to smile a lot. I smile a lot, I'm totally on the way to being a millionaire since we have so much in common.) However, at some point it's time to stop with the fun articles and buckle up for a ride. 

Accomplishing things sucks sometimes. Even things you're excited about can be hard to motivate yourself for. I love the novel I'm working on but some days the last thing in the world I want to do is park my cute, little butt in a chair and sit (or stand) at my desk to write. I love the story, the characters, everything, but UGH WHY CANNOT I TELEPATH MY STORY INTO PEOPLE'S HEADS?

But the work is necessary. There are some ways that might make it easier. For example, setting a timer and racing to see how many words I can type in 25 minutes (My best record was 2,003 whoo!) gets me typing and having fun. Some days though, that just doesn't work. I sit at my computer for an hour and type three words and ignore the timer. 

It's a matter of working with myself and knowing that sitting down to work is the only way this project will get done. So yeah, I might pop on Facebook or Twitter or Tumblr or the whole of the Interwebs, but eventually I fall back into my work because I know I have to or it won't happen. A simple motivation? Maybe, but it's the one that stays constant. 

I still dream of being a productivity ninja who talks about how I rise at 5am to go on a 6-mile run before having a kale smoothie and meditating for twenty minutes, but I don't think I ever will be. And I'm totally okay with that. But what I can do is work with what I am, which is a procrastinating over-achiever who wants to live in a Real Simple magazine but would only break everything I touched there. 

And that's okay because who wants a kale smoothie anyways? 

Books are written with time stolen from other people

Selfish.

It's a word that plays on repeat in my brain. On a good day, I'll only hear it once or twice. On a bad day, it plays a song that lasts from the moment my eyes open to the second I finally drift to sleep.

One of the things that I struggle the most with writing is the selfishness that it requires. I don't mean the Gollum hoarding type of selfishness, I mean the 'I have to go lock myself in my bedroom for the entire evening rather than hang out with my friends/family' sort of selfishness.

I've always been very bad at saying no or not doing something for someone else. I am a people pleaser at my very core, and I struggle with any time I have to say no to doing something for someone. I have a terrible case of balloon hand where I volunteer for tasks that pop up and cut away from my time.

I want to help everyone and do everything for all of the people I care about. I will drop everything and drive eight hours through the night if someone really needs me to. But the problem with that is that I constantly give away time that I need to spend on my writing.

What I probably struggle the most with is writing in the evenings when my roommates are home. I adore my roommates, but I struggle to get much work done when camped out in the living room half listening to a conversation, and half-plotting on how to kill the troublesome centaur in chapter 3.

I'm half everywhere and getting nothing done.

I recently read the quote that became the title of this post, "Books are written with time stolen from other people" and as much as I've searched the Internet I can't figure out who said it (if you know please tell me!). But this quote is probably one of the truest things I've ever read. The time spent on writing is time not spent doing something else, and a lot of that means cutting time with people you love, with other activities you love.

How do you get around it?

For me, I'm starting to adjust myself to getting up earlier in the morning and trying to write then. I'm looking at a few other options to see if I can make the time I need without feeling like I'm cutting contact with the people I love because while writing can be a lonely job, you need contact with people and a support network for the inevitable swings that writing brings.

I think this problem is particularly an issue when you work full time because after that 8-10 hours a day, not many hours are left to fit in everything else. To everyone with children, and spouses, I admire your dedication even more. I'm single, childless and still stress about time on a daily basis.

The truth of the matter is that there is no way to just magically 'find' time in your day like a discarded nickel found in the washing machine. You make time, you carve it out from the flesh of the day and you have to leave pieces behind because there just isn't enough to go around. The important thing is to be aware of what you're cutting out and to take control of the hours you can free.

5 Things I Learned at #ATLWW

This past Saturday I had the great opportunity to go to the Atlanta's Writer's Digest Conference. It's a great conference that brings some of the most talented writers, editors and agents right to my door for one day only. The conference is filled with various panel discussions, informational workshops, the chance to get your pages critiqued and the opportunity to pitch your novel to agents. I knew I had to go even if I was flying solo. 
I had an incredible time and learned so much, but if I had to sum it up, here are 5 take aways. 

1. Make Friends
        I went into the conference not knowing anyone, and within a matter of minutes had already made friends simply by smiling and saying hello. Rather than eating lunch alone, I sat at a table surrounded by amazing writers laughing and sharing stories. Learning from other writers, giving and receiving advice made the conference fill like a reunion. Writers are a great bunch of people and everyone is mostly friendly and just as excited as you! 

2. Take Notes
 The panels are filled with information, and even if you get a handout, it's still not a bad idea to take notes. Write down anything and everything that clicks with you. Once you get home you probably won't remember everything and you'll be glad to have notes to refer to. It's also great if you've made friends and can share notes that way you get information from more than just the 1 session you can attend. 

3. Research agents
If you're planning to pitch your novel, make sure you take the time to research everyone you're thinking about pitching. Read interviews with them, read their manuscript wish lists, follow them on twitter, and take notes of your own. Be ready to answer questions and have a smile ready. 

4. Read.
This is a general writer rule but something that was hammered home by my agent meetings. Almost all of the agents I pitched asked me about what I was reading or what authors I enjoyed reading. Not having an answer would not look good so make sure that you are reading and know what books are out there. If the only books you can talk about are 20 years old you've got some work to do. Keep on top of current releases and what's going on in your genre. 

5. Learn something new
Be brave and go to a panel about a topic you know nothing about. Talk to someone who is pitching a novel totally outside of your usual genres. You'll be amazed at what new information can click into place and illuminate your writing brain. Always be striving to grow as a writer and as a person. 

All and all, I would highly recommend going to a conference and getting the experience. If you are writing in a particular genre, look for those writng associations. Many of them host writing conferences and it's a great chance to really hone your skills.

Boring is sometimes best.

When I was first starting to really take myself seriously as a writer (as in writing every day and trying to actively get published), I remember thinking that I was way too boring to write anything exciting. I mean, I don't do drugs, or get black out drunk every night. I don't go wild and travel through dangerous areas in the dead of night. Hell, I think the most dangerous thing I do on a regular basis is walk into my bookshelf nearly every morning when I'm getting ready for work because despite nearly a year of it being in the same place, it's always a surprise!

I grew up with stories about the wild antics of writings, with the motto 'write drunk, edit sober.' I always thought I was too much of a bore to fit in, but what I've found over the last few years has been the opposite. Schedules actually help me keep at my writing more than any sort of wild life ever could. Knowing that I'm home by 4 every day and sticking to the schedule lets me prepare to write. It's become a habit now. I don't have to sit and wait to be inspired to write, it's simply 4:00 and time to write.

Now clearly not every day works out in an ideal way, but having a steady life where I am not totally clueless about what's coming next helps keep me grounded. When I'm not stressing about what's going to happen tomorrow (or where I'm going to get my next fix) keeps me focused on the story at hand. I've fond that the only real way to get any writing accomplished is really simple: sit on your butt (or stand at your standing desk) and write. There's nothing else that puts the words into the world. Not talking about writing, not daydreaming, not reading. At the end of the day the only way to write is.... to write.

And a boring, stable life helps that happen.

Now, that doesn't mean you have to keep a boring life in all aspects. Try new things, travel to new places, eat weird food that you can't pronounce, and do things that scare you, but never feel like having a stable life is a disadvantage when it comes to being creative.

Valentine for Writers

The image of the writer locked away in a dark room pounding away on the keyboard is one that's always been embedded in my head. And for a good reason, I mean, writing doesn't get done except by some solitary confinement with a writing implement of some sort.

Today is Valentine's Day and, for a lot of people, that means spending the day with their loved one(s) (or alternatively complaining about a lack of loved one(s)). This holiday in particular reminds me that writing isn't just a solitary effort. Yes, the act of writing generally happens alone, but writers don't have to be alone. 

I think that love and support is one of the most important things that a writer can find. Having a supportive group who helps on the days when you don't want to type another word, or who tells you that million dollar story idea you had about a bear who finds love with a hunter might not be such a good plan.

Writers need that.

That's one of the reasons I love living in this age of digital connection. I'm very lucky to have a very supportive family, and a great group of friends who support me, and believe in me. But I find people online all the time who don't have that, and who are reaching out into the webs of interspace to find it, hoping someone will reach back.

Maybe it's in the #amwriting tag on twitter. Maybe it's on a forum board. Maybe it's through putting up fan fiction. Maybe it's through Nanowrimo.

But finding that is a vital and important part of writing. Writing is lonely, and it's hard. Ripping up pieces of your heart and spreading them on a page in a finger painting you hope someone else will understand can make a person a wee bit off after some time, and sometimes it's easy to lose your way and wander through this writing world lost and confused.

That's where a loving, firm hand is great to have to help pull you up and whisper, 'You can do it.'

So happy Valentine's Day to everyone out there and an especially big hug to everyone I'm blessed to call friend!

Tabletops and Storytelling

I was really late to the part with tabletop gaming. While I played once or twice in college, it never really clicked until after college when I joined a small group that played together once every two weeks or so.

That group made of only 4 people (3 players and one dungeon master) hooked me and I've been playing regularly ever since. I've even run a few campaigns of my own and have always enjoyed the adventures that can be built through storytelling and dice rolling. But one thing I've really been noticing more and more is how playing tabletop games has taught me a lot about storytelling and what makes a compelling tale. 

Let's start by defining what a tabletop game is. A tabletop game (like Dungeons and Dragons) is a game played with a group of players and led by a dungeon master. The dungeon master controls the enemies, and the general plot, but a good DM (Dungeon Master) will work with the players to tell a collabrative story. It requires a lot of imagination and innovation on all parts. The game is played by rolling dice to determine successes or failures. Combat is done in a similar way. You see a flash of Dungeons and Dragons at the very, very beginning of Stranger Things. 

So what can you learn about storytelling through a tabletop game? Lots. Here are 5 things I've learned over the years.

1. Little details can matter a lot.
I love when a random towns person you discover suddenyl becomes important to the plot later. Or if you discover a strange item that is suddenly very useful 7 or 8 games later. Tie the little details into the big picture and watch the story become a huge, steady narrative arc instead of disjointed mini-adventures. 

2. The first thing you think of is not always the best option.
The first idea you have to solve a puzzle, or get out of a dungeon is usually not the best option. Dig deep, think to the next option then the next then the next. Push yourself to not go with the obvious but to go with the subtle, the outlandish and the unexpected. 

3. You can fail at things you're amazing at. 
Nothing is more frustrating when your master assassin rolls a failure for a sneak attack. Something your character is literally trained to be the best at and you fail. It sucks, but it's also true in stories. Sometimes the hero fails at something that should be second nature. Things go wrong and the unexpected happens. How your character handles those failures is what builds them into something unforgettable. 

4. You can excel at things you're terrible at. 
Sometimes the huge minotaur in plate armor rolls an instant success on sneaking into a room. Just because your character is terrible at something doesn't mean they have to instantly fail at it, sometimes the unexpected works in your favor and that leads your character into new situations where you'll have to think fast to not die immediatly. 

5. Stories have multiple paths, your choices impact the tale you tell. 
Even with a set path of adventure, the choices your character makes along the way shape what the tale will be like. If you're in a cursed city filled with vampires and dread, you can still have a comedy on your hands if that's how the chraracters interact with the world. The characters create the interaction and build the 'flavor' of the story. Use that wisely. 

I love playing in my tabletop campaigns and every time I leave the game filled with a renewed sense of inspiration for my own work. Telling a story with a group of people all working together builds a unique and incredible tale that can be totally different every, single time and that is a whole new kind of magic that I can get behind. 

How To Write When The World Is Overwhelming

Many creative people are in tune with the world around them. The hurts, pains and injustices of the world cut deep and the sense of overwhelm can swallow you whole like being washed under in the tides of a hurricane-churned sea. It can be so easy to get washed away and stop creating. But for me, creating is how I find my footholds in the world again. It's how I find meaning and make sense of things that feel senseless. It's how I restore myself and find the strength to move forward. 

But when the world has gone mad around you, when you are dealing with difficult personal problems that threaten to consume your whole focus, how do you make the time to create? I've found these 5 things help me carve out the time and space I need to still feel human, to not get lost in hopelessness. 

1. List out what you can do.
I live by my to-do list in my bullet journal and when things get overwhelming what helps is putting just one thing onto that list. It can be as simple as making a phone call. I add that to my list and knock it off. It gives me an instant boost of 'I can do something' and helps cancel out the feelings of hopelessness. 

2. Get physical. 
I'm not a terribly physical person, but I love going on walks and doing yoga. When I get really lost in my head I pop on a youtube video (I love Yoga with Adrienne) and give myself 10-20 minutes of focusing on my breathing and moving my body. Forcing me to concentrate on how I am moving, takes me out of my head and into a more physical space. It gives me the distance to catch my breath and get a breather from the noise of my endlessly flowing thoughts. Give yourself permission to do something that forces you to move and think about anything else. 

3. Create in a new way. 
Writing has always been my 'thing,' The creative outlet that calls my name. But lately I've enjoyed coloring. Find a new way to be creative and flex those thnking muscles in new ways! Always loved painting? Try writing a sonnett. Been a poet your whole life? Try writing a personal esay. Give yourself the chance to branch into other creative expressions. Bob Ross is on Youtube now so paint some happy trees.

4. Walk away. 
Sometimes, the best thing you can do is unplug and walk away. It's easy to get stressed out by staying on social media so sign off and take an afternoon to do something else. Go to dinner with friends, visit your closest national park and explore, paint your nails, sing karaoke. Go do something away from the source of your stress. It will still be there when you get back, but being on alert 24/7 is just going to burn you out. Take time for self-care even if it's as simple as taking a long shower or enjoying a hot cocoa and a book.

5. Reach out. 
Sometimes the best thing you can do is admit you're not okay and to reach out for help. Talk to friends and family if you can. Find online communities you can talk to, and never be afraid to get professional help. There is no shame in needing help and taking the steps to get what you need to continue being a healthy human. 

6. Find something that makes you laugh. 
Laughter is powerful and you should try to find ways to enjoy that medicine. Find some silly youtube videos or ridiculous games and just embrace the silliness. Watch your favorite comedy, invite your friends over and have a funny story circle. Laugh deeply and truly. 

Those are just some ways to find some hope and light when the world feels heavy and overwhelming. You have to take care of yourself. I believe in you. 

Shake It Up For Inspiration

Maintaining a creative life is a balancing act. Between making the time for all your creative work, trying to get the word out about your works, and doing that whole living thing it can be a challenge to make it work. For me, to make it work, it's meant finding a routine and sticking to it. Habits are incredibly powerful things. Most of our lives on built on these small day-to-day actions that we barely notice happening. 

But while habits are amazing. Sometimes, particularly during blocks, you need to shake things up and do something new, something that pushes you out of your comfort zone and fills you with wonder. To create you need to feed your creative well with experiences that bring amazement, joy, and a tinge of fear. New adventures fill like a breath of fresh air after years underwater. It stretches and refills our creative energy. 

For a long time I doubted the power of these moments, of what stepping out of my comfort zone would mean, but when I took the leap it led to me finding a new love in ice skating. Nothing fills me with as much joy as going on a trip to the ice rink (which is not exactly a dime a dozen in Atlanta). Taking that one chance (on a day job outing no less!) has shown me new ways to experience the world. It's encouraged me to try other things and to get up after wiping out. 

I take pride in the bruises that come from my tumbles. Those blooming black and blue markings tell a story of taking a chance, of laughing and of wonder. 

Your challenge for the week is to do one thing you've always thought about trying. Make the appointment, buy the ticket. Take a chance and watch how you grow.