Stress and Creating

The myth of the miserable creative wasting away in solitude for the name of art haunts our popular culture. It's a frustrating image that keeps a lot of creative people from getting the help they need for fear of losing that spark of imagination. For me, finding help has meant that I am back to creating instead of just wallowing. 

But no matter how much help you find or how well you are, life happens and things outside of your control spiral in and threaten to throw things off balance. For me, routines and structures help build a life that I can manage but when, for example, the water heater stops working or the cat gets sick, your plans get thrown to the wind and it can be a struggle to do anything. 

Right now, there is a lot of uncertainty and fear in the world. Things feel dangerous, scary and unpredictable. Part of that is life and no matter how much I want to control things and be able to 100% know what will happen, that's never happening. 

I struggle sometimes to find the line between prepared and panicked. It's not an easy line to find, even for people who aren't already anxious messes. I've been working on finding some new ways to handle creating in times of stress and uncertainty and I wanted to share those with you. 

1. Start small. 

A five-minute writing session feels manageable when a 30-minute session feels impossible or just isn't going to happen. Doing something, even a tiny thing, can make a difference and help me feel like I am still okay. 

2. Express your feelings. 

I do something I call free writing. I set a timer (usually for 15 minutes but not always) and I just word vomit out what's on my mind. I freely share my fears, worries, hopes, dreams, frustrations and story ideas. It all comes out in imperfect blocks of text that don't always make sense. It helps get those thoughts out of my head and onto a page where I can be slightly more objective. This honestly has helped a lot with keeping me from getting obsessive about a thought pattern and helped a lot. 

3. Do something fun. 

Part of creating is about play and exploration. To keep that part of my brain active and happy, I like to do something fun every day. Sometimes that might be playing The Sims and other times it might be reading a cozy mystery in a bubble bath. I try to do something that brings me happiness to remind myself of the good and creativity in the world. 

4. Remember the physical. 

I am the worst at drinking water and eating healthy. I frequently live on pasta and coffee and it's not the best for me at all. In times when my stress starts to get to be too much, I take a time out and drink a glass of water or go on a walk around the block. Bringing myself back to my physical body helps me get out of my own head and remind me to take care of myself. 

5. Forgive myself. 

This is the one I am the worst at but I am still trying. Sometimes there is enough going on that there is no way to keep creating or do the things you hoped to do. Some days, you just need to accept that the rest of the world has gotten the better of you and that's okay. Tomorrow is another day to try again and get back on your feet. Everyone has bad days where nothing gets done and that doesn't make you a failure, it just makes you human. 

I wish there were a magic wand I could wave and make worries and stress vanish but that technology just doesn't quite exist yet so for now, I'll have to keep with these tips and see if they keep making a difference in my life. I hope these tips can help you see above the noise that stress and anxiety can build in your head. 

Future You is Your Friend

I’ve recently been taking on a new strategy to help me get the annoying little mundane tasks of life done. You know the things: doing laundry, going to the doctor, working out, packing a lunch for work. It’s a technique I’m trying to help with the sorts of things that help make a smoother life over all. So what am I doing?

I’ve mentioned it previously but it’s viewing the future me as someone else, as a dear friend that I want to help. Future me has had a rough day when she gets home from work tomorrow so why don’t I make dinner tonight so she leftovers? Future me needs some clean clothing to wear to work so let’s get the laundry done. 

It’s been a little weird and sometimes trippy to think about myself as someone else but by doing that, it lets me see the help that this little task would accomplish. 

Importance of Rest

The world around us constantly seems to be in a race to see who can do the most, be the busiest, and hustle the hardest. All around me, I hear and see people bragging about how little sleep they got or how late they were up. For people who have ‘side hustles’ this seems to be doubly the case. Almost every person I know who is working a day job and trying to create in the fringes of their time, constantly battle the pull against resting. 

I have an exceptionally hard time resting. In therapy, sometimes I get asked to think about taking things easy and just enjoying a book. However, my brain doesn’t quite join in on that party. Reading a book is work, I mark the pace of the story, the rhythm of the plot. I can’t just turn off and enjoy the story. 

If I sit and try to do nothing or enjoy a TV show, I instantly begin to beat myself up for being lazy. My to-do list starts repeating in my head like a mantra. Instead of relaxing or focusing on what I’m watching, my brain chases itself in masochistic circles until I’m too exhausted to even try to do any work. 

For the past year or so, I have been trying to force myself to recognize that rest is important. It’s vital to enjoy other works, to take breaks from work so that you can recover and restore your own creative energy. I’ve been avoiding that and burning out spectacularly in the process. 

What’s helped me probably sounds a little silly but it’s putting my rest activities on my calendar or on my to-do list so it still ‘counts’ as work or as something productive. When the mantra of all the things I should be working on starts playing on repeat in my head, I can simply take a deep breath and count ‘watching Netflix’ as something on my list. 

I’ve also found habits help a lot. While I’m not the best at remembering rest is important, I am working on ways to add it into my life in more sustainable ways. Rather than going with the ‘work until I collapse from exhaustion for several months’ model, I want to build a life that has rest and recovery built into it. That means building in reading into my bed time routine. It means that I try to play a game or listen to an interesting podcast in the evenings. Something that isn’t work every day. 

You’re so much more than your productivity and the number of things you’ve checked off on your to-do list. Remember that and repeat it often. 

Decision Fatigue

Last post I talked about overwhelm and some of the ways I try to handle it. For me, one of the biggest contributions to that feeling of crushing overwhelm is decision fatigue. 

Decision fatigue has been talked about in quite a number of articles but the general idea of it is that the human brain can only make so many decisions before it gets exhausted. I know for me this frequently shows up when I get home from work and cannot decide what I want for dinner. 

For most people, you'd think that it was the big decisions: what do I want to do with my life, what job should I accept, etc. that are the biggest culprits, but it’s actually the tiny decisions that pile up the fastest. It can include things you may not even register as a decision: what should I wear today?  How do I want to sign off on this email? What should I instagram today? Do I need to reply to this email? Should I answer this phone call from a number I don’t recognize? What should I blog about today? 

These kinds of decisions start to pile up and bury me pretty quickly. That’s where a lot of my overwhelm comes from. I struggle to find the brain power to even make the decision on what to work on next. So instead, my to-do list piles up and makes me feel even worse. 

If, like me, you deal with depression or anxiety, the energy in your brain tank is already taking a massive hit so even the simple decision of ‘When should I get out of bed?’ turns into a huge issue that involves a lot of struggling with yourself to just complete that task. By the time you’ve done that, do you have the energy to deal with the rest of the world?  A lot of times, that answer may be no. 

So what do you do about this? 

Unfortunately, decisions are a part of life so there’s no getting rid of them. But you can help yourself make fewer decisions. Some of the more common tips are to make big decisions and important work for early in the day, but that’s not possible for every schedule. 

What’s helped me the most is building habits.  Once something has become a habit it doesn’t take the same amount of decision energy because it’s just something you do. So, rather than trying to think about what to have for breakfast every morning, I know that I will have a smoothie. I choose my clothing for the week all at once so I don’t have to make that decision every day. 

Another strange tip that’s worked for me is to think of future me as though she’s a friend, a different person than me. Somehow turning a task into ‘helping out future me’ makes it not a decision but a favor. I’m not sure why it works but I’m willing to take advantage of my brain’s affinity for helping people to help myself. 

Another option is to take the decision making away from yourself. Roll a dice, flip a coin, let chance take the wheel for a moment!  

News and another Overwhelm Post

So first off, NEWS! 

I have my first-ever solo Dungeons and Dragons adventure out for sale now! https://www.dmsguild.com/product/302673/Swordsbreak-Mine

An abandoned, hallucination-causing mine is creating chaos for a small town. When the village children begin to go missing, adventurers are called in to stop the beast lurking in the dark. Long forgotten in the mountains, Swordsbreak Mine hungers for a feast.

Swordsbreak Mine is a complete dungeon ready for use in any campaign or as a stand alone one-shot game for level 4-6 characters. This adventure was made to help fill in any campaign or side-quest needed during your own game. 

I also have a new post up on Speculative Chic all about building a backstory for your next character in your Dungeons and Dragons game. http://speculativechic.com/2020/02/12/5-tips-for-your-dungeons-dragons-characters-backstory/

Now on to the post! 

Overwhelm and the Nothing 

Flopped on the couch as I watch another episode of NailedIt on Netflix at 7am on Sunday, I glance at the 7-page to-do list I created just a few hours ago. I curl up tighter under my blanket and the cat sprawled out on top of me adjusts herself ever so slightly. I pull out my phone, order Door Dash and don’t move from my spot until my food arrives. 

Another weekend gone in the blink of a Netflix marathon. 

Despite all my talk of dealing with overwhelm and conquering that beast, this still happens to me. Not nearly as much as it used to but I still struggle with it. So I thought it would be helpful to share some of the tips and tricks that are helping me. 

1. Make an “Uncomfortable Chart”

I got this little bit of awesomeness from Yes and Yes but it’s really made tasks I dread into something a little less miserable. This chart is simply a place where you track tasks you don’t want to do, for whatever reason, and when you complete the task, you get a sticker! It’s amazing how much my brain loves that sticker reward and how many annoying phone calls I will make to get that little cat sticker into my chart. 

2. Batch similar tasks. 

If I have a bunch of tasks that require a similar skill or place and do them at the same time. If you’re at the grocery store and realize you need batteries too, grab them. If you’re stuck in traffic and have the capacity to make some phone calls, do them together (but don’t drive distracted!), if you need to respond to a ton of emails, go into at once. This helps me feel a bit more organized and less annoyed when I finish one task, like cleaning the bathtub and then groan as I realize I didn’t clean the bathroom sink. If I do it all at once it’s done and over with and out of my brain. 

3. Set a timer. 

There’s an app on my phone called Forest where you can plant a tree or flower and it will grow for a designated amount of time. If you navigate away from the app then the plant dies. It’s a great way to get me off my phone because of the guilt I feel about a digital plant’s death on my hands. When I am really having a hard time, I set a timer for 5 minutes and do one thing on my list for that long. A lot of times, once the timer goes off, I keep working. If I don’t then at least I’ve done something. This is especially helpful on really bad days when the list seems too insurmountable. 

4. One thing. 

Sometimes there is one task that is holding up everything else or taking up the most space in your brain. If you can take care of that one task, it’s like a domino and suddenly everything else opens back up. For me, this has been something as simple as taking my car in to go new tires which then makes me feel safe driving to the pet store to get the fancy cat food for my nearly-toothless old lady cat. Find the pin that will open up everything else.

5. Kindness. 

The absolutely hardest thing for me is to be nice to myself. I am not kind to myself at all. Especially when I am in the middle of an overwhelm attack. I beat myself up for everything and every possible issue. This is the toughest task for me but also the one that has helped the most. When I no longer berate myself, I feel more capable of getting tasks done. If I am not spending a lot of my energy yelling at myself, I have a whole lot more energy left to tackle those lists. 

It’s important to remember that no day will always be perfect. There will be times you get nothing done or when the world knocks you down. It’s okay to rest, recover and then get back on your feet.

Overwhelm

Staring at my to-do list and my head starts spinning. How am I going to get all of this done? Why have I let so many things go undone? The overwhelm swarms over me and instead of doing even one thing on that list, I drop onto the couch, order pizza for delivery and zone out into Nailed It while guilt slowly consumes me. 

Overwhelm is something I struggle with constantly. I love making lists, but a lot of times those same lists make me feel totally overwhelmed by the number of things there are to do. No matter how organized or together you feel like your life might be, there are times that things don’t get done. Everyone has dozens of what I call life admin tasks, things like: clean out the fridge, get the oil changed in the car, make that dentist appointment. These are tasks that don’t repeat all that often but they add up and are unstopping. 

Currently my to-do list has about 75 things on it. When I look at all of those things, I often feel it’s hopeless and start to berate myself for being so lazy and useless. That doesn’t help the situation and just leads to a depression spiral that eats me alive. 

So what do you do to handle that feeling? 

First thing is to stop beating yourself up. The most important person you talk to every single day is yourself. How are you treating yourself? If you’re anything like me, you’re not real nice with your mental chatter. 

Everyone has tasks they don’t get to. That to-do list is never going to be totally empty. It’s okay to have tasks on there. It’s alright if there are a lot of things to be done. Take a deep breath and forgive yourself. As much as you want to, you can’t change the past. You can’t go back and do things differently. What you can do is work on today. 

Next, I find setting a timer and trying to deal with one task. A lot of times, those tasks I’ve been putting off because they seem too big, take just a few minutes. Set a timer for 5-10 minutes and focus on a task. Good things for this are: responding to emails, calling to schedule an appointment of some sort, starting or folding laundry, cleaning a small area. 

Focus on that task until you reach the end of it. 

Now celebrate that little win. 

Your entire list is like this, and that list is never going to end. You will always have things to do and problems, struggles, new things popping up, things will surprise you, you will mess up. It’s alright. You’re human and that means imperfect. 

Now, how can you prioritize, figure out a system to help with managing these tasks and not forever wallowing in overwhelm? 

Well, I’m going to be sharing several posts about that because that is something I struggle with a lot. I think it’s especially difficult as a creative person trying to manage general life admin tasks, day job tasks, family, friends, fun, and my creative projects all at once. It can feel like an out of control disaster a lot of the time. 

I haven’t found a flawless solution. I still struggle with things (like making that damn dentist appointment) but I am slowly finding things that work, that help or that even remove some of these tasks, or at least automate them. 

The Realities Of Saying No

Last week I had to make a hard decision about my capacity and what I can and can’t keep doing while also taking care of myself.

I post about the importance of not letting the hustle run you ragged but I haven’t been practicing what I preach at all. I’ve taken on more and more projects without letting old projects go. What I’ve ended up with is a plate overflowing with to-dos and a brain overwhelmed with tasks.

Finding myself staying up late night after night to finish projects and stressing about where I was going to find the time to do things. I still loved everything I was doing but I was doing it all poorly. So I had to face the reality that something had to go.

It sucks. There’s no real way around that but looking towards 2019 and the goals I have, I knew that things had to change.

So as December kicks off and 2018 begins to wind down, I encourage you to look at all your projects and see how they match with your goals and, more importantly, how they match with taking care of yourself.

Make hard decisions and be honest with yourself.

The Final Countdown

We are in the home stretch of NaNoWriMo! The end is in sight and the words are building up by the day. I love that NaNoWriMo can show you what a daily writing habit can do (or a binge writing habit) and give you ways to track your words. I’m really fond of the graphs that you’re provided with on NaNoWriMo.

So let’s talk about the future. Come December 1, what’s the plan?

If you said send this to publishers and agents, please, please, please do not do that. Your NaNoWriMo novel needs time to become a polished gem. This is likely a very ugly first draft. There’s nothing wrong with that and it’s how a majority of writers create. The thing is to not let go and send this story into the world while it’s still a draft like this.

The writing process is very individual but here’s what I do when I finish NaNoWriMo:

1.     I set it aside.

I usually don’t look at it for the month of December. I let it sit on my harddrive and ignore it.

2.     I read over it.

I download my novel as a pdf and read it on my ipad where I can’t take notes or adjust the words. It forces me to actually read from beginning to end.

3.     I make notes of things to change.

Most of the time I have big changes to make with these stories. I mean, giant plot changes for the major points of the story.

4.     I start big and work smaller.

Starting with the biggest changes makes it easier to get through the work. There’s no reason to worry over commas when I am going to rewrite a third of the book. Dealing with the big picture problems gives me a pretty draft to come back to.

5.     Get feedback.

I send the cleaned up version out to beta readers or friends and get opinions. It’s helpful to have people outside of the process give their opinons.

Those are some simple tips for handling after NaNoWriMo. Just really do not send your NaNoWriMo draft out to publishers or agents on December 1. Please.

NaNoWriMo Halfway Point

We’ve now hit the halfway point in NaNoWriMo, yay! That means you’re either still riding high and feeling great about that word count, or feeling a bit dejected and behind. So let’s talk about that a little.

It’s really easy during NaNoWriMo to get so overwhelmed and feel so behind that you give up entirely. I’m not going to hit 50,000 words so what does it matter? Is the exact thought that runs through my head about this time of November.

But here’s the thing, even if you don’t hit 50,000 words, you’ve still got the chance to do something amazing: write. No matter how many or how few words you actually put onto page during November, you’ll have more words than when you started. (Assuming you wrote even a single word, which I’m sure you did!)

Maybe it’s not 50,000 words. Maybe it’s only 2500 words and you feel horrible for ‘failing’ and ‘not winning’ the race to 50k. But you’ve already won by writing in the first place. Writing isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon and not hitting 50k doesn’t mean you’re not a writer, it just means you didn’t hit 50,000 words.

Don’t let the idea of failing, the thoughts swirling around your head, destroy your writing. You are a writer, so keep going.

Nanowrimo Tips

This Thursday we jump into the start of November and the thrill of Nanowrimo. For those who aren’t familiar with it, NaNoWriMo is the annual National Novel Writing Month that takes place every November. The goal is simple: write 50,000 words during the month of November. 

Every year, tons of people jump into the challenge. It’s a great way to find a supportive community of writers and learn more about your writing process. However, writing 50,000 words in a month can be a huge challenge, so here are some tips to help set you up for success. 

1.    Let the people around you know. 

Let your friends, family, partners, etc. know that you’re going into this challenge. Ask them to maybe help out with dishes or house-cleaning duties for the month. Volunteer to then take your share in December. 

2.    Prep food. 

One of the things I always struggle with the most during Nanowrimo is meal planning. I want to just write so I end up ordering out a lot and that gets expensive and unhealthy. So what I’ve started doing is freezing meals and finding simple recipes that I know are basic, fast and filling. It saves me money and keeps my brain better fed. 

3.    Schedule time. 

Don’t just expect time to fall into your lap come November. Have a game plan on what time of day you’re going to write. Is it better for you to write in the morning before work or after work? Maybe you can write during lunch? What about stopping at a coffee shop or library on the way home? Find that time, mark it on your calendar and keep at it. 

4.    Write extra when you can. 

Some days you’re probably not going to hit your writing goal. Plan for that and on days when you have extra time or inspiration, write extra. I always try to write extra in the first part of the month when my energy is the highest so I have a buffer for the slow days. 

5.    Reach out to the community. 

Nanowrimo has an incredibly active community on their website, on twitter, tumblr, facebook and pretty much any social media site. Don’t be afraid to reach out to others. Relationships with other writers is great and will help you outside of Nanowrimo too.